Cleveland Women's

letter from

Dear Cleveland Women's Counsel,

Enclosed is a copy of a story I have written about my recent experiences. Your organization was of great assistance and inspiration to me. And you can be sure I will tell other women about your services.

Unfortunately, mine is a common problem. And although I am only one person, and alone have very little power, I hope somewhere, someway, I can reach another woman who might have remained silent otherwise.

There isn't any nice way to say you've been beat up. The law calls it assault. Maybe it wouldn't be considered so common, and treated as such, if it weren't for the fact that the person who assaulted me was my husband. Although there are thousands of women who are assaulted by their husbands time after time and remain in the marriage, my husband only assaulted me once, and it occurred during our separation. It took tremendous concentration for me to put my head together enough to make the call to the police. I wasn't sure what my motivation was in calling them. I suppose I just related assault, breaking the law, and of course reporting it to the police. The police officer who came to my house was very sympathetic, but he made it clear from the beginning that the police didn't want to get involved with domestic matters because inevitably there isn't anything they can do. In other words, because he's your husband (separation means nothing), they can't interfere. Only if he is not related will they pursue.

There is nothing more degrading than standing in an emergency room full of people and having to say "I was assaulted". And it appeared that people were sympathetic until they learned it was my husband who did the assaulting--and then I had the feeling they considered this a domestic squabble, and, instead of going to all this trouble, I should be at home in a black negligee trying to "make up". One nurse even suggested I was being a bit dramatic about the whole thing.

Frank hit me with a closed fist in my jaw and head. I fell, he kicked me--and my rib cage was bruised. The doctor was afraid I had a hairline fracture in my jaw, and I spent several hours in extensive x-rays. My physical pain was only intensified with my mental anxiety.

I had to make a decision whether or not to press charges. I called my attorney who advised me to call the city prosecutor of the city in which the assault occurred, and then he would become my attorney as it is considered a violation to the city. I called Frank that night. At this point I was still unsure about pressing the charges, and if there might be something he could say to make things easier, I wanted to give him that chance. He expresed disinterest, and in fact told me to do what I wanted. I gave it a lot of thought and decided I couldn't have much self-respect if I just ignored it. And if there might be a chance, I could ignore it, I would be reminded of it every time I looked in the mirror. Frank has never struck me before. This was a first time--however, it wasn't stipulated in our marriage contract, or our separation agree. ment that he was entitled to even one beating. And although I doubted that it would ever happen

page 10/What She Wants/June, 1977

Counsel

a battered

a

again, the point was that it happened this time, and what did I plan to do about it.

The next day I called the city prosecutor. He explained the process to me, how they would physically arrest him, bond being set, preliminary hearing, a trial, all the legal terminology that makes it sould so serious and formal. During his explanation I felt sick to my stomach--and for that minute I understood why so many women never go through with pressing charges. But I told myself that the nausea I was feeling then couldn't compare to the physical and mental pain from the actual assault. And why shouldn't it sound so serious--it is serious. I would be lying if I said part of my reasoning behind pressing charges wasn't revenge and personal vendetta. This was certainly one way to get even. Throughout most of the divorce I had been powerless, and this was a way for me to gain some control. But even if I didn't have those feelings, there were still so many other reasons to motivate my determination to see this through. One good reason was my desire to stand up for my rights as a woman. I didn't intend to be labeled a helpless creature, and even if I reached only one person, I felt it would be worth all the exhaustion and aggravation. They arrested Frank about a week later. It was all very dramatic--he was taken to the police station and bond was set. A court date for a preliminary hearing was set for two weeks laer, and at that time he would plead either guilty or not guilty. If he pleaded guilty, chances are he would have a suspended sentence and pay a fine, and if he pleaded not guilty, we would go to trial. Frank and his lawyer asked for what is called a continuance. Both of them claimed they were unavail. able at the time the hearing was set for. Meanwhile, my divorce case came up.

Never having been involved with the judicial system, I was blind. There had been no one to tell me not to expect fair treatment, and I truly believed in justice. There is no justice for a woman.

I was informed from my lawyer that in order to obtain a fair settlement, one of the conditions would be that I would have to drop the assault charges and sign a paper to that effect. I didn't understand why one affected the other. I said I didn't think it was fair--but my lawyer promptly awakened me to the facts. He said, "Who ever told you life was fair? There isn't anything you can do about it, so grow up and accept it." I became numb. I signed it. I lost all belief in justice.

Frank asked for several continuances after that first one. I was having trouble understanding why his lawyer would be advising him to postpone it. If he intended to plead not guilty, and there was to be a bloody battle, ok, I wanted to get on with it. But as it was, the incident was becoming older, and it just dragged in mid air. I called my attorney in hopes that he could explain the process to me, and maybe as an attorney he could understand the reasoning behind postponing the preliminary hearing. I got no satisfaction from him, so I decided to call a few other lawyers. I was beginning to feel as if my attempt to bring this incident to the surface was a wasted effort. One of the lawyers asked me what I hoped to prove. Another one told me right out that I was wasting my time on a subject the courts aren't interested in anyway, and a third one told me that the reasoning behind it was that event.

woman

ually, when so many continuances have been filed, and since there was a discrepancy about the charges anyway, chances are the court would not waste time on it, and it would be taken off the docket. Frank's lawyer was'counting on that.

There are no words to describe the anger I felt. What is the sense in having constitutional rights when the law is willing to just ignore them, or take them away as a tool used in bargaining for a fair divorce settlement that should have been obtained anyway? And I can't count the number of people who were encouraging me to just drop it, forget it. I was beginning to feel guilty about being so committed--and I was beginning to question whether or not I was actually a victim.

I became involved with Cleveland Women's Counseling. First of all, they recommended a therapist to me. Besides this ordeal with the assault, I was under a lot of personal strain and was having some trouble adjusting to the actual divorce. It was through her that I learned of a Divorce Support Group. It consists of ten women who have been through, or are in the process of divorce. We meet weekly--and besides the actual therapy being good support for us, we have become friends as well. It was also through CWC that I learned of an organization called the Victim Witness Service Unit. They expedite court cases so that cases like mine don't become a meaningless piece of paper. They did their thing--and at the time of writing this, Frank and his lawyer will be summoned to appear in court for an arraignment next week.

In a sense, justice has finally been obtained. Whether or not he is actually convicted is immaterial at this point. The important thing is that it is finally going to court, and, finally, somebody is listening. The sad part is that it took something more than just our everyday law to get citizen action. And I wonder what might have happened, or not happened, if I hadn't learned of such an or ganization.

I have become a much stronger, assertive woman because of this. And it has opened my eyes to a need and awareness of problems of women in the judicial system that I might have otherwise been blind to. Women are not entitled to more, but certainly we are entitled to equal.

Yes, there is a lot of red tape, it is frustrating, and it is very exhausting--but only if we are willing to endure some of this are we ever going to be able to change it for our daughters.

Gayle Monastra (4/14/77)

On April 15 Frank was granted another continuance. Gayle, exhausted and disheartened, recently dropped the assault charges. She is currently in a CWC divorce-support group and would appreciate comments and/or support from Cleveland women on her experience which has left her bitter and tired. (c/o CWC, P.O. Box 18472, Cleveland Hts. 44118)

Cleveland Women's Counsel is a telephone referral and advocacy service. We also provide consciousness raising support groups. Currently our CR groups are: Divorce-Support, Lesbian-Support, Women over 40 and General CR. Call 321-8585.